Merry Christmas!

2014-12-25 21.02.52


Beep Beep

Recent cell phone shopping experience:

1. Spent time telling a coworker about the things I like on my current phone (Samsung Galaxy S3). In the process, used voice control to set a twenty minute timer.

2. Stuck phone in my pocket, completely forgetting I’d set the timer.

3. Went to a store that sells Verizon phones. Precisely as I reached out and touched one of the beautiful new Samsung Note 4 phones, an alarm started going off. Beep beep, beep beep!

4. Being as how beeping noises in general have a strangely disembodied effect to them, assumed it was the display phone making That Noise. Thought I’d caused it.

5. Spent long, panicky moments fumbling through every doggone setting on the phone, trying to MAKE IT STOP. I turned off the sound, went through the alarms, fiddled with the sound settings, etc., etc., etc. Luckily no one was nearby, but it was sooooo embarrassing, I can’t even tell you. (I have a phobia of attracting unwanted attention through noises. I have trouble even chewing in public.)

6. Finally realized the sound was coming from my pocket.

I didn’t stay too much longer.

I did get a nice tour of the phone, I suppose.

Untitled (Because.)


Once upon a time, this wasn’t such a bad issue. Yeah, I had stacks of notebooks full of untitled stories laying around. Yeah, I had to refer to works in progress by awkward terms like “this space story about amnesia and pirates and stuff I’m currently working on.” But I got by.

But, as it turns out, you can’t really submit a story to a publisher with the title “Space Story about Amnesia and Pirates and Stuff.” Nor can you call them all Dave or Bob or Sue. The title is supposed to be catchy, search engine worthy, maybe quirky, but never corny or cheesy.

I’m just not good at it.

You know what would be awesome? It would be SO COOL if someone could just design a program that was smart enough to scan a story enough to get the gist of it and list off a bunch of potential titles, based on relevant song titles/lyrics or sayings or Shakespeare snippets or what-have-you.

Is there an app for that? There should be an app for that. I would pay good money for an app for that, if I had good money.

Which I don’t.